One More Time
by blairbear014
Summary: One-Shot about Blair, after the elevator scene in 2x15.


This idea cam to me recently. Set after 2x15. Enjoy.

It's angsty and sad. I cried. Sorry. Please leave me a review, love it or hate it? Flashback is the italics. I obviously don't own Gossip Girl, because if I did, Chuck would have fought for Blair. Sorry for any typos, this was a spur-of-the-moment piece that took me a while 10 minutes to write.

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As the elevator left, she finally allowed her tears to fall. She'd expected him to yell at her, call her a bitch, throw her promises and words in her face. But he didn't. He just stood there and took it. It wasn't the Chuck Bass she knew. But she wouldn't cry in front of him,even if it probably wouldn't make the situation worse. She should have, maybe she'd hurt him as much as he hurt her. But it wasn't possible. She _loved_ him, why couldn't he understand that. She was still in love with him. She couldn't shake the feeling. Why couldn't he just let her help him? Why was he such a stubborn basshole?

But now, falling to the floor, she let her tears escape. There was no one around, she could let it out. She sat there and cried. She cried out of anger,fear,and sadness. She wasn't sure who the anger was directed at, him or herself. She was angry with him. Angry that he'd let her down. Angry that he had whores in his office and drugs on his table. Angry that he'd called her his wife, and that he thought it was the worst possible thing in the world. But she was more angry with herself. She loved him,dammit. She made him a promise, and she broke it. How could she? She said she'd always be there. So why did she tell him she was done? She was far from finished with him. But she had to protect herself. He broke her already broken heart more and more each day.

She cried tears of fear. She feared what her words might have done to him. He was already a mess and she was scared. What if he ran off again? What if she never saw him again? What if he ended up on the ledge again? Her mind was filled with what-ifs. She sobbed as she realized she was the one who said it was over. Not that it had ever really begun.

Then there was the sadness.

Sadness that he thought marrying her was so horrible. Sadness that he was upset. Sadness that he hadn't even opted for roses to give her. Really? Peonies? What was he, from Brooklyn? Sadness that he wasn't willing to fight harder. Sadness that he was giving up on them, but mostly on himself. She cried as she realized he wasn't going to fight for her. He didn't want her.

And after her words that night, could she really blame him? Could she really blame him for hating her? She broke her promise. Was it so damn hard to just get over it and accept his apology? It was. Because she was afraid it would lead to more pain. Damn pride was getting in the way,too. She was disgusted with herself. She was so selfish. She was a selfish bitch. She broke her promise, she hurt him and she couldn't handle him. She felt horrible.

She went into the bathroom and sat by the toilet. She looked at it with disdain. She promised Serena, she said she wouldn't do this anymore. But what's another promise? But it had been so long. She looked at the toilet and remembered the first time she ever did it.

_Blair walked into the bathroom,crying. Her mother would never be happy. Why was she so chubby?! At age eleven, she was 4 feet and 9 inches tall, and she weighed a whooping 70 pounds. She knew what she needed to do. Either stop eating, or start puking. The later option seemed easier to cover up. She turned on the tap and locked the door. She looked at the toilet, disgusted. She lifted the lid, and cried harder. She shoved her finger into her mouth and waited but nothing came. She coughed and cried. She shoved it in deeper, but just more coughing. She was having second thoughts, she was scared. She sucked it up and tried again, this time her stomach emptied. She coughed some more and wiped away her tears. This was more like it. She felt good. Any day now, she'd be beautiful. She was happy. Yet, she was disgusted. Why had she done that? No one could ever know. They'd be sickened, and want nothing to do with her again. Not even Serena could know. Serena was perfect, and she was her best friend. No, Serena especially could never know._

Here she was, 7 years later, still thinking about disappointing Serena. Oh what the hell, it was just one more time, right? Serena would never have to know.


End file.
